Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
