Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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