I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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