He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
