My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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