Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize