Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We need to get me chipped asap
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
