we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize