I got chris browned last night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
