She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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