I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
