I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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