There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize