White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize