Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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