wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize