dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
