I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
