I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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