You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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