The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Randomize
