you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
