i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
