Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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