I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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