I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
