My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
