What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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