I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize