i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
