I've blown a few things in my day
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
