dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize