you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i came on her dog
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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