Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize