cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
