You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
