Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
