tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
