I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
