My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im calling her cock vulture from now on
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
