Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
