i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
