I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
