i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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