Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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