I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
