I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
