I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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