I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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