we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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