you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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