i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
