good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
