You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
