There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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