you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
