Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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