I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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