This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Drunk is not a location!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
