You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
try to milk me bitch
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize