i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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