just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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