So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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