What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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