Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
