there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
