these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
