he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
