I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
