i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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