I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
