im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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