i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
