The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
