I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i think i just lost a toe
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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