Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
