Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My vagina is officially offended.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
