Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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