idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize