There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize