apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
