the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
