I'm drive I can fine osifer
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
