he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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