I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
