You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
