A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
