I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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