im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sobbing to NWA
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize