I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
