There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize