I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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