come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize